New Zealand ‘Liberals’ Call for New Ministry of Meth

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Featured image  – The Ministry of Business, Innovation and Employment (Mbie) – some say these guys would be well suited for helping to boost, run and promote NZ’s booming meth industry, but Liberals are calling for a dedicated Ministry of Meth to better protect the gangs and turn more Kiwi daughters into full time productive crack whores (while also collecting the dole).


After many years, perhaps even decades of hard work by the New Zealand police and Justice system in trying to stamp out the harmful marijuana trade in New Zealand, we have as a Nation finally arrived at the point where meth is absolutely everywhere.

Some estimates put the Government’s new meth industry at up to 20% of the domestic economy these days. Obviously most of that is cash but the spin offs for the Welfare State (Commies) in terms of additional police work, family court child and orphan trafficking, Serco jails, lawyers, hospitals and WINZ staff has surely exceeded all initial expectations and forecasts. Business is indeed booming.

So is it time the Government set up a new Ministry dedicated to the smooth importation, distribution and then so called “policing” of the meth trade, with the dual aim of helping manage all of the spin off Welfare State industry as well?

Some have even suggested the new Ministry should start setting up their own meth labs in the closed down regional shopping centres, perhaps employing retired climate change scientists, but legal experts suggest that could breach some of our most important international free trade agreements.

Now we can hear the Liberals screaming already – “They should set up a Ministry for Prostitutes first!” Admittedly that relatively new Government backed industry has also been growing at an astounding rate year on year, with the leading online escort website now showcasing over 700 girls and solo mums (mostly all on the dole) and foreign students (mostly with no work visas) up for sale, and almost 100% tax free. If New Zealand wants to continue to be seen as the most liberal Nation on the planet, we should insure that the rights of those wanting to rent themselves out as whores while on the dole are no less than those wanting to be crack heads on the dole, and indeed even crack whores on the dole.

There could potentially be synergies and possibly even cost savings to the actual tax payers if the escort industry was included within the new Ministry of Meth, given the obvious similarities between the two – namely that almost no one in the two trades pays a cent in taxes (a bit like the Churches oddly enough, & Sanitarium) and they are the biggest source of parentless children for the Family Courts and Judges and thus the liberal Welfare State’s child trafficking industry. Not to mention that  these two new initiatives by the fast thinking and innovative New Zealand Government pretty much guarantees the next generation of hookers, gang members and meth dealers for our welfare economy as well – or at least it will do as long as the government can resist the growing calls for an investigation into its state funded serial child abuse operations.

The politics of it all is probably best left up to the experts however; with the likes of Stephen Joyce, Peter Dunne, Judice Collins and Michael Woodhouse running this show, the small detail will be in safe hands. You are all paying 60-70% net taxes these days after all (not including your speed camera fines), so rest assured we have some of the best minds and corporate talent working for us all down in Wellington.


Image- Stephen ‘the Dildo’ Joyce – arguably his biggest legacy to the Nation.

One other suggestion (and perhaps the most liberal) being tossed around some of the more exclusive massage parlours down in Wellington is for a new Ministry of Meth, Prostitution, Booze and Gambling, which thanks to the tax payer funded welfare system (WINZ) now pretty much sums up the entire domestic economy. Yes we have dairy too but much like our housing industry, that is very much a tax free export industry these days, helped along by the great new ‘free trade agreements’ our innovative and hard working Government have signed on our behalf over their years of relentless ‘service’ to this once great Nation.

Clearly there is still some debate over the name and some ironing out to do, so it may be a little early to start popping the champagne,  and lining up the whores and coke down in Wellington,  and at Radio NZ,  just yet – but we at Media Whores think this idea has legs.

Not to mention it would surely cement New Zealand’s position as one of the most ‘Liberal’ (ie, communist) Cuntrees on this rather Flat Earth.

Let’s take a quick look back at some of the highlights in the Government’s meth industry so far :

Government  funded meth fighter Mike Sabin disappears off the map.

Customs (the Government) seize 1.2 billion of meth – nobody on the streets even notices, parliament said to have debated “all night”.

Winston Peters electorate – Northland – breaks all records in meth busts and seizures thanks to its long wide open beaches and bays. Peters was rumoured to be away sailing around the bays on his luxury yacht and thus unavailable for comment.

Northland’s top cop steals all the meth from the evidence room for resale. Gets a promotion.

Judges throw out all charges against the new gangs moving into our regions and cities. While putting local weed dealers in jail.

The police apologise for raiding the house of a top diplomat’s children on suspicion of large scale meth production- how dare they.

NZ’s biggest news reader accused of being NZ’s biggest meth user – cover up ensues.

NZ journalist and author chased out of the Country after several murder attempts for alleging the Police introduced and run the meth.

Other opinions on who is running the meth Down Under – could it be the Masons?? 







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