Cyclone Sumshit Survival Stories Flooding In from around New Zealand…

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Featured Image – NASA Photoshop Dept  – Credit (Parody)

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Survival stories from across New Zealand have been flooding into the Nation’s leading news source since Cyclone Sumshit weather bomb hit land last night or the night before (we are not entirely sure).

Councils have been closing down the same roads they always close in heavy rain and assure rate payers that rates will go up again to try and fix them before the next heavy rain hits. Work will most likely be carried out during peak hour traffic sometime next week. Road safety cones will be put up all over the Nation along with the usual speed restrictions to insure maximum expense, delay and driver frustration.

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Gertrude and Fred from the Waikato have been hit hard with Fred’s entire supply of underwear for the week apparently disappearing into the storm. The couple say they have no contingency plan in place and may have to make a trip to the Warehouse Hamilton when stores reopen from the Pagan Holy Day. They are uninsured and a Give-a-Little page is currently underway….

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One very lucky liberal from the Capital City had a narrow escape when he almost walked into a puddle. “I have no idea how deep the puddle was – so who knows how bad it could have been” he said. Photo credit – his mate Bob.

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West Auckland is said to have been hit hard with one reader claiming she accidentally locked her cat out of the house – but  luckily, no one else was harmed.

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In another part of the Nation, someone’s tent blew over. Two campers had to make a hasty escape. One camper was taken to the nearest first aid kit with a suspected stubbed toe.

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Another reader from Otago University sent this image in but we suspect it may be fake news so have forwarded it onto Radio New Zealand to see if they can use it instead…

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NASA also released this “satellite” image of Edgecumbe and assures readers it was NOT taken by the weather balloon they launched in late March in NZ…nor from a low flying helicopter. NASA can’t identify the name of the alleged ‘satellite’  possibly due to a computer malfunction, if not an alien invasion.

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Edgecumbe was built on a fault line and on land at least partially under sea level and has flooded a number of times in recent years – the Council is assuring rate payers that they will be better prepared next time though, once rates go up again.

Media Whores will keep readers informed as more reports comes in….

 

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